Can it be? A year to the date since I published my last entry? 2012 holds great promise for inspiring postings. I'm resolving and committing to provide regular updates and wonderments of the curiosities of my faith and hope you will share yours too.
In the mean time, an update...
Vulnerable and Curious
Two years ago I didn't know the difference between God and Jesus.
I've been attending Fremont United Methodist Church since I was a toddler and joined the church as a 13-year-old but I had no stellar attendance record.
Two years ago, I was asked to become the Director of Christian Education. I knew my knowledge of ‘faith stuff’ was lacking. God did too. I also knew I had an overwhelming curiosity and desire to do something about it. God did too. That’s why I believe He made a place for me in a leadership capacity at FUMC. Little did I know that the invitation to become Director of Christian Education was just one part of His plan.
I believe He invited me into this role to make discoveries of my own while becoming an example and encourager for others walking their own path of faith.
It only took a few weeks in my new role to realize the trouble I was in. Suddenly I was responsible for encouraging education and study, engagement and challenge, spiritual development and renewal for every age. Yet I didn’t know the very basics of our faith.
For a long time I faked it. I pretended I knew the stories, characters and the life lessons the Bible had to offer. I even tried to project a false confidence by agreeing when others agreed. But inside I was dying to know what they knew, to discover just why it is that people testify so confidently about their faith, our God – our future.
Sure I’d listen intently while others discussed what they learned about scripture. Often taking copious notes, I’d confidently nod in agreement, then run to the nearest Bible to read the passage (or Google the subject) and hope I’d understand it the same way others did.
At the same time I was struggling with my artificial identity. In my desperate effort to appear well versed, I’d created a façade – a mask – of Christian faith. I knew eventually people would figure me out – an imposter – a shell of a Christian – with no solid substance inside and very little knowledge or understanding.
Slowly I began to realize that I’ve spent so much of my life imitating the Christian culture and accepting the beliefs of others as my own, that I totally missed its purpose –
to develop a relationship of my very own with Jesus.
As personal relationships progressed I began to feel safe enough to remove the mask and begin to reveal my true self. Through much prayer and patience, I slowly gathered enough courage to start asking questions and took comfort (and delight!) when others had the same questions I did.
Then in January 2010, I made a personal commitment to read the Bible in 90 days. Cover to cover with 14 pages each day regardless of content, story or lesson. Although I am certain I’ve missed much of the history and connections, now I have a basic understanding of the big picture, and most of the stories and characters are vaguely familiar when we discuss them.
I’ve made great strides along my path of spiritual understanding. But it takes courage. It takes patience. It takes a willingness to be vulnerable. It’s not always comfortable – but to become an authentic Christian follower – and leader – one must take off the mask and continuously expose the rawness of life and limited understanding, and seek answers to questions.
I still have a long way to grow to become an accomplished Christian. But I am confident that the seed planted in me so many years ago has grown into curiosity, and even sprouted into confidence and enthusiasm to provide both an example and to give permission for others to begin, continue or resume their quest for faith.
One thing is certain, I’ve decided to be a disciple in motion – seeking to explore, share and serve Christ through a vibrant, contagious, fresh faith.
I’m grateful that leaders in our church place great emphasis on importance of Christian development. I have certainly grown through each class, churchwide study, discussion group, devotional opportunity and committee leadership. You, too, can take advantage of studies, small groups and service projects to grow at your own pace.
Now it’s my turn to support and encourage you. Is it time to give yourself permission to remove your mask? A fuller life of discipleship is waiting. Make 2012 the year you take charge of your faith. We can make a plan to walk this faith together and share our story with others. Where we start isn’t important – but let’s get growing!
This insight was originally published in the FUMC MOUSE newsletter – January 2012
